My birth was nothing like I imagined but so powerful none the less.  The support from Romany and her Hypnobirthing course led me to the empowering experience regardless of how it turned out.  I felt in control of my choices throughout and came out the other side a truly changed person and extremely content with all of the choices I made.

 

We chose to go for an induction in the end as 42 week’s loomed... we got called in on 30/06 at 9pm to start (which was good actually as we’d both eaten quite well through the day and I’d had a glass of wine to try one last time to get him to arrive!)  

It had been a long time coming and we finally made the informed decision to induce partly because we wanted to meet him and partly from advice and support from my step mum who’s a GP, stating that most overdue inductions are less painful and intense than pre-term inductions.  Simply because the baby is cooked - we’d been 2cm dilated for 2-3 weeks so we felt he just needed a little nudge.

 

Once we arrived the waters were broken around 10pm and given two hours to see if we progressed.  Nothing bar one contraction happened and I was still 2cm dilated so we started on syntocinon and were given 3 hours to increase the dosing incrementally.

  

At midnight I was just 3cm dilated but managing with the hypnobirthing breath and support from Tom.  Felt calm but a bit sucky to be at 3cm still.  I had asked the midwife to let Tom know my dilation as I didn’t want her to tell me, I wanted Tom to tell me as it felt more comforting.  But honestly at this point I felt quite deflated.  They ramped up the drop more to max level and we were given more time to see progression.

 

By 9am I was having 5-6 contractions every 10mins and was finding it really painful without rest.  I’d started gas and air at some point in there... on reexamination I was just 4cm dilated.  That was fucking horrible tbh and my mental game left me. I just didn’t believe I could do it anymore!!

 

At that point I remembered to start the Up breath (oops!!) alongside the gas and air and intense contractions.  But honestly after a short while and communication with Tom I really felt that without breaks between contractions I wanted more assistance with pain relief.  So I asked for more pain relief...  By the time the dr came in (10 mins later) I had to be re-examined and they found I was 10cm!! Evidently I had reached transition at this point so had doubted myself.  But now obviously wasn’t eligible for epidural.  We were told we’d meet him soon and I got a burst of energy a little emotional cry with Tom and got on with trying to push.  

 

Still contracting hard and frequently but syntocinon was reduced without any effect. It was still super painful but tried to get through it with guided pushing.  It didn’t go well - I started really feeling awful and as if I couldn’t do it again. And again with the lack of breaks between contractions, being on my back and the intense pain my mental game had left me.  At this point I was literally begging for any kind of help. The dr came back in to re-examine me and found the anterior lip of my cervix was still prominent and Austin’s head was stuck on/behind it.  

 

At this point thank god they gave me the epidural!! What a blessing oh my god!! We both had a nap and recovered a bit with syntocinon at 1 ramping up over 2 hours to 6 to get 3-4 contractions in 10 mins.  

 

The dr came by again to see where he was and how my cervix was.  At this point all was good to go and I had a mini moment a bit nervous to push again as if resigned myself to forceps or c-section and it was so painful before.

 

Anyway, got a chat from Tom and went for it. This was about 3.45pm.  It wasn’t that bad at all and 25 mins later he was out!! I couldn’t believe it!! Small laceration on my labia but no perineal tear so feeling lucky there  

 

Ozzy was whisked away as he was a bit blue and floppy so that was a bit scary.  But after a while of O2 and some sucking of all the mucus stuff he was ok :) 

He obviously still wasn't ready after all that to be out, laid back little mister!!

 

Not what I’d imagined but I’m still really proud that I did it as for a few times during the labour I didn’t think I could.

 

I truly believe that I would have felt completely different had I not had the knowledge and power to make choices throughout the process without Romany’s help.  

 

I’m now, looking back 4 months later, finding points that perhaps had I had an experienced doula in the room things may have progressed differently.  But with COVID and the effect on financials this wasn’t possible.  And there is slight disappointment there that at certain points I didn’t advocate for myself more (for example I remember thinking at the first stage of pushing that I wanted to lunge or squat) but couldn’t articulate that and felt that I couldn’t move between contractions.

 

But I do believe that experience has taught me more for a different outcome next time!

Even so, I enjoyed the experience and would do it again in a flash!  I’m really looking forward to it again on my next pregnancy!